Life of the bullied

Hi Bloggers, thought I might start my blogging experience by writing about something close to my heart.
Many of us are bullied from time to time and it can affect us in many different ways but what happens to these individuals as they become adults and move into the workforce or other areas.
My experiences with bullying started from an early age. primary school was very harrowing for me. Moving from house to house, Suburb to suburb, my father chasing promotions and jobs. By the time I made afew friends and started to settle in at any one place it was time to pack up and leave again. This leads to many problems but the main one was being bullied. I would move to a new area and just because I had not lived there all my life, or the majority of it, I was classified as an outsider. I never quite fit in with everyone else. This of course lead to name calling, harassment and even physical assault by my peers.
By the time I went to high school I had been down trodden so badly that even though we were no longer moving around anymore I had no self esteem and no idea of how to defend myself physically or mentally. I found myself turning to drugs just to take my mind off the problems. The tormenting and abuse continued right up until I moved once again and became a senior at a new school. I decided that I was going to take every ones advice and just stand up for myself. Problem was that I now sort of became what I had hated for so long. I wasn't an out and out bully but if someone tried to intimidate me I would just humiliate them to the point where they couldn't stand it anymore and left me alone.
This alone created another twist in my already strained grip on real life and made adult hood a hard thing to handle.
So what do you think this all does to a man when he tries to get out there and hold down a job or start a family?
How can someone in this sort of situation recover from these mental torments and move on with their life?
Well I can tell you what it did to me. I would go and get myself a job. At least I could do that fairly easily but as I found out just getting a job isn't the be all and end all. Due to the mental anguish, and drug use (marijuana), I had suffered I had built quite a high wall around myself that didn't let any sort of criticism in be it good or bad and if it did start to affect me I would lash out verbally, Tell the supervisor or the boss off and storm out never to return to that place ever again. I started doing something very simmilar, but not quite the same, as my father had done moving jobs every year or so. Luckily at this stage I had no children. I would go onto welfare benefits for a while and then find another job.
This cycle went on for many years. I had no Idea of how to get out of it or what sort of help was available. Most of the peole I befriended were into drugs, alcohol and theft. For some unknown reason, to me anyway, they didn't judge me or try to make me feel bad. As long as I paid my bills on time (drug bills that is) and kept the unspoken oath of never ratting on anyone then they were my 'friends'.
The problems with this sort of lifestyle are probably pretty obviouse to most people but to me with my warped sence of reallity I had finally found my place in society. Problem was that my drug debts combined with living expenses outweighed my income so something had to give. I found myself living in dingy one roomed appartments infested with cockroaches and mice and still unable to pay rent or feed myself properly. I lost the best job I ever had due to a random drug testing which picked up my marijuana usage. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't kick the habbit because it was all around me. It was easier to get drugs than it was to go do grocery shopping. At least the drugs were delivered to me and I could get it on credit till my next pay day. To the outside world I probably appeared ok but to my closest friends and family there was obviously something very wrong. In the end I very nearly had a breakdown because my best friend had gotten a girlfriend and I was basicly left alone in my festering mess of a life.
That was a turning point for me. I had to do something. I went to the doctors and told them about my life. How I was living and the drug issues I had. I started to look at the things I was doing, started thinking of what everyone else was doing with their lives. How did they deal with the day to day stresses of life. What was their reaction to criticism. How did they live with the fears and torments of life on a whole. The doctor prescribed anti-depressants for me and told me to try and give up the drugs. The only way I was going to be able to do that was to start my life over again. Get out of the scene I was in and start fresh.
I left everything behind. Jumped on my bike and rode 50 killometers to my parents house. Sat down on the lounge and cried. They asked me what was wrong and I told them everything. The drugs, the bullying, the depression, the so called friends and the way I was living. I had been digging a hole for myself for near 20 years and I finally hit bottom. It was now time to start climbing out of the hole. I would spend afew months with my parents. Returning to my old appartment from time to time but finding I was falling back into the hole when alone. I took up smoking ciggarettes, which I hadn't done for afew years, just to have that sensation of smoke instead of marijuana. I found myself a very cheap little car. started a relationship with a nice lady and slowly but surely started pulling myself out of that hole.
I am still taking anti-depressants and will be for the rest of my life. I still get cravings for a joint or cone from time to time but look back now and think to myself, no I dont need that. I have recently become the father to a very beautiful little girl. have a nice car, live in a respectable neighbourhood in a decent house and think back on those times only afew years ago when I was so low that I could quite easily have slipped off the face of the earth and think. I am lucky to be where I am now. The Bullying and Tormenting started the downhill spiral I was in for many years and in a way I am lucky that I got out of it but I would not wish that life on anyone. At times I still feel like an outsider living a lie but then I guess we all feel like that sometimes. The scars of my life will be with me forever but it is my choice how I let them effect me.
I hope this will help someone else out there to get the courage up to speak out, ask for help and make their life better for themselves because no matter how far down you get, if you reach out your hand and call loud enough, someone will come along and help. You just have to be willing to help yourself.